So here’s the thing: I’m going to tell you a story that may or may not have happened to me me just now. (It did) A grandmother came in to the bar with her four grandchildren because she heard we had the best french fries on the planet, there just potatoes lady. She ordered two cokes for all five of them to share because they get free re-fills, red flag number one. The kids are three girls and one boy, the boy is the oldest at ten and also the “heavy one”. There’s the “weird” girl at around six, the “coke bottle glasses” girl at around seven and the “normal” girl at around eight. Busy parents I guess. Their also the only people in the bar, it was a little slow for lunch today. I put the fries in the grease and return to pour the first of at least ten re-fills on the cokes. The boy gets change from me to play the video game in the corner, of course the game ate his money and he needed a refund. The grandmother started telling me how fantastic all her grand kids are and wanted me to listen to one of the girls read something off her smart phone and then said “Doesn’t she read so good?” I wanted to say “actually no, but i’m not too impressed when an eight year old can read” She then starts telling me how the boy went bowling the other night and got a “Turkey”, “that’s three strikes in a row” she said. No shit lady, by the way I don’t have grand kids that can read and bowl to show off to you so this isn’t a fair fight, I can’t even get laid and that’s the first step to grand kids! After about ten more coke re-fills I could see the boy getting diabetes right in front of me and then she asked for the check. The bill was $10.25, she asked the boy to pay because her money was at home. So the ten year old boy hands me a twenty dollar bill. I gave him the change of $9.75 and he politely handed me a two dollar tip. There is something so depressing for me to be thirty seven years old and being tipped by a ten year kid. I think I need to sit down and think about my life. Yes ladies I’m single 😉

So here’s the thing: I think the best decision I’ve ever made was to pierce my nipples. Really, I’m serious, my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner! Nothing is hotter that a thirty seven year old guy with man tits that have stainless steel through them. If you didn’t pick up on my sarcasm yet then you might be a little slow, start taking vitamins. Yes my nipples are pierced and it’s awful, thank God for my awkward body hair.