So here’s the thing: I have a lot in common with dogs and I think that’s why I love them so much. I don’t have time to own one right now, so I just pet the occasional pup outside the bar or supermarket. You might be wondering what I have in common with a dog, well I’ll tell you. We both smell everything, we both have to be told not to lick, if we get scared we head to the nearest corner, if we don’t get what we want we start wining, and we both have an affinity for constantly showing attention to a certain part of the body.
Monthly Archives: April 2014
Life’s a female dog…
So here’s the thing: Who ever said “life’s a b*tch then you die” was wise beyond their years. When it feels like life is shitting on you I think it’s best to take a moment and think about reality and how awful it can be sometimes. Then think about how incredible it is other times and even though for most of us the shit side far out ways the other, we can still find the diamond in the rough. I look for that diamond in vodka bottles, but that’s just me. I love you very much Granny.
You’re old if…
So here’s the thing: If you call a car payment a “car note”, that means you’re old. Sorry babe.
There elk, not aliens!
So here’s the thing: I was recently up in Estes Park for a wedding. Yeah, it was beautiful and who cares. Now, I don’t know if you’re aware of it or not but apparently there are elk all over the place in Estes Park just walking around and shit. It’s cool don’t get me wrong, but some of these tourists up there are some of the dumbest people on the planet! I’m driving down a busy street in Estes Park and I don’t remember the name, but it’s the street right in front of the Stanley hotel, you can look it up. This guy is his lame ass S.U.V. is stopped in the middle of the fucking street with all his passengers sticking their phones out the windows to take picture of a group of elk. WTF, are you really that stupid? Literally stopped in the middle of the road to take pictures of these elk! Their elk, not aliens you asshole. In case you were wondering there was no shoulder to pull off to, so it just makes sense to stop in the middle of the road. Asshole.
Ignorance is bliss
So here’s the thing: I want to be ignorant so bad!! All you ignorant turds out there have no idea how easy you have it! Why would you, you ignorant! You honestly say the shit that comes out of your mouth and believe it, I can’t even get mad at you because it’s not your fault. You truly believe that your smart and not a piece of shit, but you are, and you’ll never know it so it doesn’t even matter. I’m so jealous of your ignorance. The best part is that somebody who’s ignorant is reading this right now and is agreeing with me.