So here’s the thing: Who are these people who post pictures of what they are about to eat on Facebook? I don’t get it. Why the fuck do I want to see your Chef salad? Just stop people, for the love of God stop.

So here’s the thing: The pool table at the bar is always broken. It eats the money but doesn’t spit out the balls, so I put an “out of order” sign on it so I don’t have to keep refunding people their money all night long. Last night this woman comes up to the bar and is pissed off as she asks me “why is the pool table broken”  I wanted to hit her between the fucking eyes. What the fuck kind of question is that? The more contact I have with humans, the dumber I get.

So here’s the thing: So this lady says “I don’t know what I want. Hmmm, okay how about Kahlua on the rocks” I said okay. I made this odd drink and ten minutes goes by and she says to me “I can’t drink this, it tastes icky” No fucking shit lady, your drinking Kahlua on the rocks! There’s a reason nobody drinks that, but why would you know what you like to drink, you’re only fifty years old and probably just haven’t figured it out yet. I wanna pull my eye balls out.

So here’s the thing: He asked me for an order of Nachos. I asked him is he wanted chicken, beef or steak. He said I don’t know. He looked at his friend and said do you want like chicken or something. His friend said I don’t know. He then looked back at me and said I just want nachos. Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone?