So here’s the thing: My trash day is Thursday, so I put out my trash Wednesday night of course. Last Thursday they didn’t pick up my trash and when I got home around eight o’clock I had to gather the pizza boxes up from the middle of the street as the wind is an asshole. I didn’t get around to calling my trash service until yesterday and I wanted to make sure they picked it up today. When I called to ask why my trash wasn’t picked up the lady told me that everything was in order and i’m current with my bill so there shouldn’t be any problem. I then said in a condescending tone “Then can you explain why my trash wasn’t picked up?” She said, “Did you know it was a holiday week and the trash days get pushed back by one day?” I said “No, thank you for your time” So now I’m the asshole, but I still say they should send out an e-mail reminder or some shit. Stupid holidays making me look like a jerk.

So here’s the thing: You have to be crazy not to buy a new car these days, I mean the commercials tell you this is the best time to buy. Have you ever noticed that the best time to buy a new car is everyday of the year? I mean, do these commercials actually work on people? WTF. Car commercials are a slap in the face for somebody smart enough to know their being slapped. Good morning everybody.

So here’s the thing: I saw a bumper sticker the other day that was  pro animal adoption and that’s awesome, but what it said was just stupid to me. It said “who saved who”. I thought well let’s see, I’m the one with a job and sixty inch television, he’s the one who eats dirt and licks his asshole, so yeah I saved him