So here’s the thing: You know it’s going to be a rough night when the first customer you serve has a half smoked cigarette behind his ear and his first question is “How much is a PBR?” For those of you who don’t know, PBR is basically the cheapest beer in the world and statistically speaking the majority of people who consume it would be stereotyped as a dirty scum bag hippie. Let me educate you people out there real quick about something when you’re in a sports bar and trying to decide what to eat or drink, if you have to ask how much something costs, you can’t afford it. You should be at home not tipping yourself while you drink PBR and watch M.A.S.H re-runs.

So here’s the thing: What the hell is wrong with you people? If I see one more “selfie” of you in your car I’m gonna scream. I know what you look like from the other forty selfies you’ve taken in your car, so cut that shit out, nobody really cares! Ohhhh you took a picture of your feet by the pool or at the park and said “just chillin on Saturday”! Who cares man? Nobody, plus you have ugly feet. Ohhhh, your at lunch? That picture of your wine is so interesting I can’t stand it!! Your so hip and cool out at lunch like everybody else every f-ing day of the world. Why do we care? If you have something interesting or entertaining to share then cool, if you don’t then shut up. Ohhh, you “checked in” at Home Depot and “Looking for some light bulbs ha ha ha!” I wanna drive to Home Depot and slap you in the face. Don’t get me started on the food, dog, and your amazing pictures of the weather outside. Facebook freaks!!

So here’s the thing: I hate that person that is constantly bumming cigarettes. They sell those things in stores you dick! It’s even worse when you bum them a cigarette and they want to smoke with you and bore the shit out of you with a story about their cousins new truck. Listen you bum, take this cigarette that cost me twenty six cents and go smoke by yourself in the corner and think about how you can raise enough money to buy your own pack. Ohhh, by the way, that PBR is two dollars, thanks for no tip in advance.

So here’s the thing: Are you  the person that orders cheese sticks in a restaurant and when they get to the table you ask for silverware? Hey, guess what? I hate you and so does the person serving you. It’s not because you waited for your food before you asked for silverware, it’s because you asked for silverware to eat cheese sticks. It’s called “finger food” for a reason you asshole. Trust me your not too classy to be eating cheese sticks with your fingers, there cheese sticks you asshole. Your probably the same dick that needs a knife to cut your salad. Learn how to eat.