So here’s the thing: Have you ever bought a thing of Tic Tacs and then get all pissed off at the rattling in your pocket everywhere you go! I bought some Tic Tacs today and after running around town for an hour I got so pissed off at the noise that I threw them away in the trash can at the bank. You might be thinking “why didn’t you wait til you got back to your car and just leave them in there?” Well, because then the Tic Tacs would have won, and I’ll be dammed if I’m getting chumped out by some Tic Tacs.

So here’s the thing: Isn’t it such a coincidence that so many peoples cars break down near supermarket parking lots? Their always from out of town and need a certain amount of money to get them and their four kids (that are nowhere in sight) home. In today’s case it was eighteen dollars. I said to the woman who was clearly a crack head “No thank you, I get that all the time” That response to her request was confusing to her, I could tell because she said “What?” I just walked away. Now you might call me an asshole for that little story, but like most people I hate going to work, and there’s only one reason I keep going, the money. Why do I want to give away the money I work so hard for? So a stranger can get high or drunk? If anybody is getting high or drunk with my money it’s gonna be me.

So here’s the thing: There was this guy sitting at the bar on Saturday watching college football by himself. Now, normally it’s extremely irritating when people scream at the t.v. during sports because obviously it accomplishes nothing other than showing their lack of intelligence, however this guy was just as irritating in a quiet way. Let me explain. All during “his” game, he would talk to the players, coaches and referees, but he would do as if he was in a casual conversation with them. Every time I would pass by him I would think he’s asking me for something or trying to start a conversation, but he was talking to the people on the television. I don’t know if he thought they could hear him, but they couldn’t, I could. Oh well, his team lost, maybe he should try screaming, that way they would hear him and

So here’s the thing: What the hell is with the people who constantly talk about where they’re from? You know who I’m talking about. They constantly compare shit to “back home”. “These french fries are different out here, back home the fries are way better” Do you have special potatoes “back home”? Just shut up about the fries! Their fries, end of story you dick. “Man, the bars close at 2 am here? Back home they stay open til 4 am” Cool man, go home if you need to drink past 2 am, we’ll survive here without you, somehow. I couldn’t care any less where your from or what it’s like there, if it’s sooooo much better then just go back so you can tell the people how shitty it is here. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

So here’s the thing: So the other day a man and a woman came into the bar and sat down. I said “hey you guys, how ya doin? what can I get you?” The gentleman asked for a Coors Light draft. The woman says “Is that all you have?” I said “Is Coors Light all we have?” She said “yeah” Directly behind me was ten tap beers, four different liquor bottle displays, five or six tables around us all eating. I said “yeah, that’s all we have” I’m not the smartest person in the world however, she takes dumb question asking to a different level. I of course told her that we had many things to offer as we are a full service restaurant and bar. She stared at me like I had a hand growing out of neck. She finally decided on a white Russian for her drink. She didn’t have an I.D. They left. FML. The end.