So here’s the thing: I’ve wrote about this before, but I was thinking about it again so I thought I’d bring it up. They say that in the Chinese language there are thousands of characters. It’s hard to imaging that seeing as how we have twenty six in our alphabet. That being said, how are their computer keyboards not the size of a surf board? How the hell are their lap tops not the size of a coffee table? How the hell does it work? That reminds me, why the hell do people get tattoos of Chinese symbols when they have no connection to the Chinese language? I don’t think liking pork fried rice is a big enough connection to justify getting a tattoo of something in Chinese.

So here’s the thing: What the hell is going on with the guy working at 7-11? Why does he hate me so much for stopping in to buy a diet Dr. Pepper? Of course he’s never behind the counter, he’s either out stalking some product or he’s in the back somewhere and I have to wait for him to get to the register. His body language tells me that I’m putting him out from other more important activity like stocking the corn nuts. I wonder if he thinks it’s my fault that he has the worst B.O. on the planet? I wonder if he would be offended if I asked him if hes ever washed his 7-11 uniform in the six years hes worked there? Shit, I just remembered that I forgot to buy gummy bears.

So here’s the thing: It’s no secret that I’ve gained weight. If you know me, then you know what I’m talking about. I look like I ate my senior year me, it’s just sad. I’d like to preach to all you youngsters out there who are still in shape and give you the biggest clue to what leads you down “fat man road”. Are you ready? If you talk to your food before eating it, red flag big boy. Here’s what I did today. I went to Safeway for dinner and left with a gallon of milk and a box of cookies. When I got home I actually said these words when I put the milk and cookies down on the counter: “I’m gonna fuck you guys up so bad.” That’s when you know you have a problem people. Don’t talk to your food young thin and happy people, you’ll end up like me, and that’s just gross.

So here’s the thing: Isn’t adult acne fun?! I really enjoy it. I’ve suffered from bad skin my whole life, not as bad as others, but still a problem today. There’s nothing better when you have a break out and go into work or school or wherever and there’s always that one person to say “Holy shit man, that’s a big ass zit you’re rocking there!” I always feel embarrassed and say “Thanks” I don’t know what else to say right? Hey people with nice skin and stupid fucking brains, us people who have bad skin KNOW IT, YOU DON’T HAVE TO POINT IT OUT WHEN WE HAVE A BREAK OUT!! I don’t call you out about your bad breath, ugly baby, douche bag husband, flabby tits, weird make-up, bad hair, infected piercing, lame tattoo, dirty finger nails, obnoxious mother, stupid mustache, body odor, busted toes, awful laugh, crossed eyes, cleft palate, man tits, FUPA, the smell of you in general. When you see somebody having a bad skin day or other, just let them be man! We all have physical problems that were clearly aware of, you don’t have to point them out. P.S. I close my eyes when I walk by the mirrors in my house. JK, but not really. Or am I JK?