So here’s the thing: There’s this guy who walks around my work neighborhood with a big parrot on his shoulder and every now and again he comes in for a drink. He came in last night with his bird and was pretty drunk. I was working the patio where everybody smokes including the “bird man”. I didn’t serve him anything to drink and he was showing off his bird to our patio guests and people were taking pictures and commenting on how pretty the bird was. I asked the “bird man” if he had to clip the birds wings. He told me he did, and then showed me where he clips them on the bird. After seeing this I couldn’t help but feel bad for the bird and then thought about other birds that are kept in cages as pets and how awful it is. Now, I’m not trying to be an animal rights activist by any means, I mean I love bacon as much as the next fat guy and I know what we do to pigs to get it. It’s just the thought of cutting off part of a birds wings because I don’t want it to fly away, I decided it’s going to be my pet, so there. Flying is kind of what birds are known for, so to cut off part of their body to keep them from doing what they were born to do seems sad. Anyway, the “bird man” kind of lost his fucking mind and started slamming a beer glass repeatedly on the bar. When I said, “Can I help you?” He said “I’m thirsty.” I said “And you think the best way to get a drink is slamming a beer glass on the bar?” He said, “I needed to get you attention.” I gave him the thousand yard stare, and he left. On a  separate note, I’m gonna make a BLT, fat man is hungry.