So here’s the thing: I cut the shit of my finger tonight at work. I was opening up our patio garage doors when one got stuck. I’m a caveman so I decided I would yank on this thing like….well, I decided to yank on it. When I yanked on it, it broke free, and somehow my right index finger got sliced open at the tip right under the fingernail. The first thing I thought was “Holy shit that’s gonna start bleeding in a couple seconds”, I was right. The second thought I had was “Who can I blame for this? Obviously I’m not blaming myself. I decided to blame a young woman I work with who had closed these patio doors the night before. I won’t say her name to protect her, but it rhymes with “I hate you now” I came to the decision that is was her fault because she put the lock on the left side of the door instead of the right. We always put the lock on the right! Now technically she did her job well and it doesn’t make a difference which side you put the lock, as long as it’s locked, but in this case I cut the fucking meat out of my finger, so it’s different! In case you’re wondering, yes it’s very difficult typing when you can’t use one of your index fingers, dick. I’m, sure she’s losing sleep tonight thinking about how she’s ruined my life, so I’d just like to say to her, “Live free and die hard!” She’s actually a sweet girl. Bitch.