So here’s the thing: I’m not saying that I’m getting old, but I think I’m getting old. Would you like an example? I thought you might. So I’m sitting on the couch the other day and realized my little feets are getting cold. I don’t remember my feet ever getting cold in the past, but those little bastards get cold all the time now. I decided that I need a pair of slippers to wear around the house to keep my feet warm. Are you serious? I need slippers? I don’t even know what the fuck that means, but I need them. Not only did I decide that I need slippers, I wrote it down on a note pad so I don’t forget. What the hell is this life coming to? I’m fat, stupid and now I need slippers because my old fat and stupid feet get cold! I’m basically in a mid-life crisis over some goddamn slippers.