They look like ant eaters…

ant eaters

So here’s the thing: It was a week ago today that I had an interesting night at work, well every night is interesting but this was one for the books. It was around last call in the bar and I was working the patio. I was in the process of herding everybody inside so we could close down when something caught my eye. It was one of our regular guests taking a nose dive into the ground, not a pretty sight. I ran over to him to make sure he was alright when I noticed something out of the ordinary. He was with a friend who was trying to help him up, but was failing miserably. I grabbed him underneath his arms and lifted him up. It was dark out and kind of hard to see because the lights were down real low, but after staring at him for a few seconds I realized what was out of the ordinary, it was his penis and testicles hanging out of his pants that were half way down. Yeah, his penis. Two things popped into my head, one, now I know he’s not circumcised, cool, and two, are ant eaters extinct? My exact words to him were “Hey, put your dick back in your pants” He was trying to put “things” away, but didn’t have the coordination thanks to the Whiskey in his blood. He literally looked like a fat guy trying to tuck his shirt in. He managed to get the boys home but couldn’t button his pants or zip them up. Me being the sweet heart that I am, I buckled his belt and cinched him up nice and tight and escorted him out to walk home. That makes two human wieners I’ve seen this week that weren’t mine, I should go buy a lotto ticket!

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