So here’s the thing: I’m sitting on the couch watching Judge Judy this afternoon when my vision started to almost blur. Of course I thought I was about to have a stroke seeing as how I’ve eaten pork in some form at every meal for six days in a row. It wasn’t a stroke, it was a spider web that was between my face and the television. As I started realizing what it was my vision began to focus and that’s when I noticed this little spider on the end of the web staring at me like I slapped his momma. What did I do? I freaked the fuck out and jumped off the couch crashing into my coffee table (a cardboard box that said television came in) and spilled all the shit on top of it that included a bottle of tap water, a to-go box containing a half eaten chef salad with a side of ranch dressing from the night before that I don’t remember eating. Fortunately it all spilled onto my tan carpet creating a new stain to accompany an existing stained caused by a 24 ounce diet Dr. Pepper that I don’t remember how I spilled. This all happened in a few seconds while I was shrieking like a little girl. Don’t forget to listen to the podcast while you’re here. On a separate note, I love Judge Judy sooooo much.