So here’s the thing: Who the hell are these “knife people”? You’re probably thinking “what knife people”? Settle down bubba, I”m gonna tell you. The “knife people” are the people who when you’re having a casual conversation with somebody at the coffee shop or supermarket and notice a loose thread on your shirt, these people produce a knife from nowhere and are ready to cut the shit out of that thread before you get out the full sentence that you’ve noticed a loose thread. First, why the hell do you have a knife? Second, why the fuck do you have a knife? Now, if you work on a farm or in a packing factory where needing a blade is just a part of the job, then I get it, but if you have a job that doesn’t require a knife, why you packin it? Are you just a person in the mood for a good stabbing if the time is right? Do you have a obsession to cut shirt tags that irritate the back of someones neck? These “knife people” scare the hell out of me. You know what else scares me? Fat free Ranch dressing.