So here’s the thing: The other night at work one of our regulars said something to me that kinda shook the pillars of my emotional stability. I’ve been told before that I look like certain celebrities, but they’ve always been celebrities that nobody necessarily wants to be told they look like. For example I get “Mario Batali” from time to time. I’m not saying that an over weight ginger chef with a pony tail is a bad person to be told you look like, but it doesn’t exactly boost your self confidence. Well I have a new one for the books. One of our faithful regulars Larry comes in the other night and is sitting at the bar enjoying his whiskey seven, when he turns to one of my co-workers and says “So Parker has a Bruce Jenner thing going”. My co-worker instantly started laughing and as I look up at Larry, he has this shit eating grin on his face and is just shaking his head “yes” with no words. I was hoping he meant the Bruce Jenner from the seventies, but he didn’t. I started laughing of course, because I didn’t want to cry in front of everybody at work. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the way Bruce Jenner looks, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that he’s in the middle of changing from a boy to a girl and this is the person I have now been told I resemble. I don’t want to be a girl! I wanna be a boy.
Monthly Archives: May 2015
The bartender hates you…
So here’s the thing: I’m bar tending the other day when a couple comes in and sits at the bar. I go through the motions of “Hey, how’s it goin?” Like I care, then I say to the lady (because ladies first) “Sweet heart, what can I get for you?” She says, “I want something good” What the fuck does that mean to me? She just stares at me for a couple of seconds. I said “Okay, are you thinking about a beer or a cocktail?” She says “I don’t know, just something good” Just tell me what the fuck you want you asshole! I said okay and I made up some shit with vodka and juices, usually a safe bet for the ladies. I turn to the guy and say “What can I get for you?” He says “A draft beer”. Hey fuck face, you want to tell me which of the eleven beers on tap you want, or are you just gonna keep staring at me with those stupid fucking octagon shaped glasses?” I live in the Twilight Zone. Don’t forget to listen to my podcast right here on trashmanradio.com, listen, like, share, thanks.